It's been a year now, Fathers day, June 18, 2006. I lost my boy to his battle with cancer. Bear was my best friend and constant companion, and had been for almost 10 years. I found him at a no kill shelter in St. Petersburg, Florida. He had been there for six months, some of the dogs had been there for much longer. Smaller dogs and puppies always went first, I was told. Not many people want big dogs. Well I did.
It was the first time in my life that I was completely alone, after having filed for divorce and my kids moving out, the house was empty. We had always had animals, I had 5 horses in the backyard right now, but it wasn't the same. I wanted companionship and protection and a presence in the home, I wanted a friend. I had a Shepherd many years ago that I had just adored so I went in search of a female German Shepherd, well, that was the plan. Till I found Bear.
He was just beautiful and so friendly and lovable. A shepherd/husky mix. Not what I had planned - but when I saw him - I just knew. It was right from the start. He jumped right into the back seat of my truck and layed down like that had been his seat forever. And it was from that day on. I owned my own business at the time hauling a trailer to horse shows and selling equipment and supplies and he never left my side. He came to every show and my customers started calling him by name, the kids would pet him and sneak snacks to him and he would lay under the trailer in the shade and watch the shows and enjoy the attention. When I was home he would hang out nearby while I was feeding or grooming the horses and was in the office while I was doing paper work or on the computer. He was just always there.
Years later I met someone and sold everything to move North. Bear was right there in the front seat the whole way there. No question he would be with me, you got me, you got my Bear. He just loved it. Being a husky mix, Florida was not the most comfortable place to live, especially during the summer, and he just loved the snow and being near the lake. We'd take him to the woods camping and he was in his glory. He loved to just sit out on the front porch and watch his little kingdom. He was getting older now and more content to just hang out and relax and the weather was more to his liking.
The last year, we had been treating him for a limp the vet said was due to arthritis. The medicine helped for a while. The limp came back and then got worse so we took him back to the vet and got x rays done. I was not ready for what he had to tell me. I felt as though I had been kicked in the chest, winded, sick. Cancer of the bone. Bear was 10. Possible amputation of the leg - radiation - it might give him six more months. Maybe. My Bear. If I did nothing he would have maybe 2 - 3 months. I know many people would not agree with my decision, but in my heart I knew what was best for my Bear. I would make him comfortable for as long as I could and then I would give him the dignity he deserved. He had been a loyal and loving companion for so many years and I would do the right thing for him now. No matter how much I wanted him to stay with me - I had to do this for him. And I kept thinking "What will I do without my Bear?". It wasn't long before I knew.
One week later, the morning of Fathers Day, Bear could not stand on his own. We took him to the vet, I held his head and talked to him, told him how much I loved him, how he was my boy, how good he was as I watched him drift off to peaceful sleep. I was just crushed, the house was empty, I was empty and so lonely. It wasn't long after that I started volunteering to foster, to transport, to do what I could to help other dogs that had not been as lucky as Bear. He had 10 good years that many others never get the chance to have and in his honor, I wanted to help others, one at a time, to have that opportunity.
My first foster, Keno, I was, what they call a foster failure. No one could ever take Bears place, but Keno made a place of his own. He filled that big gaping hole that was left when I lost Bear. I truly believe that Bear is looking down in approval that my love for him was big enough to include others. And I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. It has been one year since I lost my Bear. I think of him everyday. It still hurts but there are the good days, when I think of him and smile. I will always miss him but I will see him again when the time is right, and in the meantime, I thank God everyday, for the time I had with Bear.